we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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