I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
