The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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