I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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