is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Sext me about skeletons
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
