I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
