im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
