I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
