She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
