I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
