Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
