he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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