marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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