drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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