If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
