Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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