oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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