Umm I'm too high to move.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
