my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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