I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
