guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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