Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
