He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I intend to get homeless drunk
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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