Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
