May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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