I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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