we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
