i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
