Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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