ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
