I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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