I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
