hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
