I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
