Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
