and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize