Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
