Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
