maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
