i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
