he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
