Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
