Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
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