I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Randomize
