I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize