We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
