Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
