I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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