She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
