i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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