Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
