life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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