dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
