I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
