That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
