I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I could make wine with my vomit
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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