apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
