I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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