Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
too bad you live with your parents still
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
