mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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