In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
