Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
