I want to stick my p in your. b.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize