I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
