Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize