Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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