Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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