nut hugger
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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