I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
