$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
