I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
