don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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