you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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