There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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