the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You ate ashes out of my bong
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
