Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My bed smells like the plague
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
