she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
