Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
