you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
