i just wanna soil my oats bro
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
