youre lurking in front of me
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
