hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
