I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
