I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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