Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
im on a boat
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