are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
