Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
