happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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