Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
