her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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