sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
