Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize