Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
