Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
