I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
