Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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