dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize