Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
