I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
