Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
