my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize