I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
