I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize